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| The Traditional Chinese Marriage |
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Ever since ancient times, there has been a saying that the three most delightful moments in one’s life are success in the imperial examination, marriage and the birth of a son. From the Qin (221 BC-206 BC) to Qing (1644-1911) Dynasties, the feudal system dominated over two thousands years. During this period, getting married was far more important than finding love. From the male point of view, it determined the prosperity and even the future fame of their family. From the female point of view, it meant that parents lost the chance of seeing their daughter for a long
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time. Thus, choosing an ideal partner was vital for both the individual and the family.
In feudal society, a marriage would be decided not by a young couple’s love, but by their parents’ desires. Only after a matchmaker’s introduction and when parents considered the two family conditions were similar and could be matched, would the marriage procedures go forward. Some of the conditions included wealth and social status. If a boy’s family was well-off or an official family, his parents would never permit him to marry a girl from a poor family.
Essential to the marriage process were the commonly recognized “three letters and six etiquettes”. The three letters were the betrothal letter, the gift letter with a gifts list and the wedding letter used on the day the bridegroom met his bride at her home. Six etiquettes then led to the final wedding ceremony.
1. Proposing: When a boy’s parents intended to make a match, they would invite a matchmaker with them to propose at the girl’s home. In the first visit, the matchmaker went as a guest and could not be served tea, in order to prevent “lightening of the marriage”. If the proposal was successful, however, the matchmaker (usually a woman) would be rewarded with profuse gifts and feasts to show the two families’ gratitude. Many unmarried young people could not see each other till their wedding day.
2. Birthday Matching: After knowing the girl’s full name and birthday, the parents of the man would ask a fortune-teller if the marriage is going to be successful. The Chinese zodiac would be surely taken into consideration.
3. Presenting Betrothal Gifts: If the match was predicted to be auspicious, the matchmaker would take gifts to the girl’s parents and tell them that the process could continue.
4. Presenting Wedding Gifts: This was the grandest etiquette of the whole process of engagement. Prolific gifts were presented again to the girl’s family, symbolizing respect and kindness towards the girl’s family as well as the capability of providing a good life for the girl.
5. Selecting the Wedding Date: The boy’s family asked the fortune-teller to choose a date, according to the astrological book, when it would be proper and propitious to hold the wedding ceremony.
6. Wedding Ceremony: The wedding ceremony began with the groom and his party meeting the bride in her home. Before this day the bride’s dowry would have been sent to the groom’s house. The dowry represented her social status and wealth, and would be displayed at the boy’s house. The most common dowries included scissors (representing two butterflies never separating), rulers (indicating acres of fields), and vases (for peace and wealth).
Before the groom's arrival, the bride would be helped by a respectable old woman to tie up her hair with colorful cotton threads. She would wear a red skirt, as Chinese believed red foreshadowed delight. When the party arrived, the bride, covered by a red head-kerchief, must cry with her mother to show her reluctance to leave home. She would be led or carried by her elder brother to the sedan. In the meeting party, the groom would meet a series of difficulties intentionally set in his path. Only after coping with these, could he pass to see his wife-to-be.
Upon the arrival of the sedan at the wedding place, there would be music and firecrackers. The bride would be led along the red carpet in a festive atmosphere. The groom, also in a red gown, would kowtow three times to worship the heaven, parents and spouse. Then, the new couple would go to their bridal chamber and guests would be treated to a feast. Wine should be poured to the brim of a cup but must not spill over.
On the night of the wedding day, there was a custom in some places for relatives or friends to banter the newlyweds. Though this seemed a little noisy, both sides dropped shyness and got familiar with each other.
On the third day of the marriage, the new couple would go back to the bride’s parents’ home. They would be received with a dinner party.
Of course, marriage customs differed by region, but these were the most common. They have been maintained for thousands of years, but in recent years (especially after the founding of modern China), people have tended to discard some of the details and advocate simpler marriage procedures and wedding ceremonies.
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Weekly Chinese Words |
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| Transcription: |
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: marriage
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| Transcription: |
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: matchmaker
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: fortune-teller
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Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: zodiac
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: propitious
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: groom
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: bride
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: dowry
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: head-kerchief
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: sedan
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: firecracker
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Part of Speech: Verb
Meaning: kowtow
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Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: bridal chamber
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Weekly Chinese Phrases |
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| Transcription: |
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Meaning: success in the imperial examination
Topic: values
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| Transcription: |
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Meaning: feudal society
Topic: period
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Implication: families conditions are similar and can be matched
Topic: values
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Meaning: social status
Topic: values
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Meaning: three letters and six etiquettes
Topic: custom
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Implication: banter the newlyweds
Topic: custom
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Weekly Chinese Expressions |
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Meaning: early birth of a healthy baby
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Literal Meaning: forever in the love river
Implication: always be in love
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Meaning: heart in heart
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Meaning: white head, together to be old
Implication: stick to each other till the hair turns gray
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